|||||bloodlet-the seraphim fall||]|
just got back from washing my car. it works again, thanks to scott. scott is really an angel in disguise. without him, id have no ac or a radiator. so cheers to scott.
so just yesterday i got an email from an old freind. tina, as she is known in the inner cities, got in touch with me through freindster.com. it was really great talking to her again because i thought that i fucked off our freindship, as i am prone to doing. as it turns out, she felt the same way about me. so it was an even-steven. we both felt like fucks and we were wrong. so, now were in the process of catching up and im looking forward to meeting her for a beer. her and i were commenting briefly on how things ended up the way they did and how we got here. (in case i havent mentioned, i was seeing tina for a period of time) its funny....i cant remember when we met or through what circumstances we met....maybe she remembers. she was going to an out of state college and our relationship was largely correspondence via phone. that time of my life was pretty fucked. i had emotional problems and there were issues with the family. i felt kind of lost....who doesnt at 19? tina was so fabulous that i got attached probably before i should have. and, due to my emotional teeter tottering, had unreal expectations of her. upon returning to college, things went ok. i remember feeling upset that we didnt have an oppurtunity to see each other during the holidays. i remember feeling rejected and wondering what i could have possibly done in all my perfection to NOT want to be seen by her. alas, my poor ego reeled. so in true dickhole fashion, i mentally told her to go bite the big one and "chunked her the proverbial deuce". basically i turned the tina switch off and went about my business. luckily for me, i realized all this during a lot of introspection after watching a series of john cusack movies. despite all the miscommunication, we we had a great frendship. SO... tina and i didnt talk from 1999 until now. (i think) now that weve re-established our "link" and unloaded all our baggage---which is truly outstanding---we have an oppurtunity to play a role in each others lives again. this is one of those things where i say that there is some kind of plan that we are unaware of. not only do i get closure and can forgive myself for being a dick, but i can start over and be less of a dick.
have i mentioned how cool my wife is? no? ok. taunya has known all along about tina and what happened (my take and what i thought the real deal was). now. ordinarily, most women would take this oppurtunity to begin getting a little territorial and nutty. well...its warranted. its hard when you know your spouse is in touch with someone they had a history with. its just trick, thats all. any normal person whould concede that. upon learning that tina and i were getting in touch, taunya made the point that tina and i should get together and catch up. isnt that rad? lets just say that i know how i woud feel about taunya going and catching up with jay or billy. i would likely want to choke them and kick them on the tops of their feet. but i am a civilized and domesticated man. i will knit them placemats instead. its hard not to feel insecure or perhaps a twinge of jealousy. its just one more reason to be grateful. every day i find another reason to love her.
work is going good and im not talking about it lest i fuck it up.
went to inquire about freemasonry to the local lodge. havent made up my mind yet. im going to a few more meetings in order to properly make a desicion.
first heard about alex jones yesterday.. this guy scared the crap out of me. only because he reinforced some things that ive been thinking for a while now. see prevoious entries for more info. but he didnt say anything i havent already heard.
matt, dustin, and i are still jamming. dustin is taking some time off to go to friggin italy for a month. nice. but as far as music, things are good and i need to step things up.